July Ennui

This is the third year I've noticed it so I feel safe calling it a trend. July brings with it the doldrums. Mostly I notice it with my unsuspecting job, as it sits quietly doing its thing, thinking we're the best of friends, I begin to feel enraged by its very breathing and I feel annoyed by its hair-do. I recognize that it's not my job, it's me, that's damaging our otherwise happy relationship. I pull into the parking lot at work in the morning and growl, inexplicably angered just by being there. I can't explain it, but everything is wrong with work. I quietly calculate my expenses, mentally eliminating pretty much everything but utilities and food, attempting to see if I could just quit and spend my days doing...whatever it is I would do. I cannot. I don't really want to. It's July.

We are only 5 days into the month but my mood is fully teenagerish in its silent pout. Now is the time, the real me tries to call out, to reassess things, put them in order and set new goals (chirp chirp chirp!). The real me knows I enjoy making lists and creating new plans. She is screaming through the pillow that July me is holding over her face. The real me is trying to find a moment away from everyone and everything to sit in silence and get her sanity back. July me is over-scheduling her so she can't swing it. July me is a total jerk and the real me is beginning to switch from trying to make things light and fun to instead trying to kill July me. I wonder if this is just the sort of thing that makes July so hot.