Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Lunch break blogging - Kate and Sarah, A Message To You

Katherine Louise Drueke, age 4, is now officially a student of Pre-K. This seems impossible since I could swear she was only just born but there you are. What was this a few minutes ago:

Is now this (for roughly a millisecond):

I was not warned, I am certain of it, that once you have children time speeds to such a shocking rate that you are essentially hurtling toward your own, unavoidable death. Still, it is what it is and I found myself standing in Target with all the other nearly dead parents, buying school supplies. I'm OK with that because buying school supplies has never lost an ounce of its luster for me. I love school supplies. So much so, that one of the first things I noticed and adored about Jeremiah was that he naturally smells like a freshly opened packet of notebook filler paper (college ruled, specifically). No lie. It's so hot! But that's not really what I wanted to talk about here. No, I wanted to list a few things for the girls.

My little darlings, now that school is upon us (not really for you, Sarah, because you're still a baby, right? Ah, but it won't always be, next week you'll be in college.) there are a few key items that you will have to learn, some of which may not be easy to learn. By this I mean, you probably won't master the tough ones in a single school year, so I want to list them here so you can carry them around with you for as long as it takes. Some of them could take well into your 20s. Here we go:

Things you should learn, a list from yer mama:

1. How to button and/or zip your own jacket
2. How to write your own full name
3. How to take constructive criticism
4. How to take a compliment
5. Nobody likes a narc
6. How to give constructive criticism
7. How to play to your strengths
8. The pledge of allegiance (do they still teach that in school?)
9. How to respect others without being a doormat
10. Make a budget, pay yourself first (thanks, Dad)
11. Balance your checkbook
12. How to choose your battles
13. How to climb a tree
14. How to shop for and cook at least 3 meals that cost under $5 (adjust for inflation) and take fewer than 30 minutes to prepare.
15. How to figure a tip in your head
16. At least one alternate route
17. How to state your case
18. Not to eat glue
19. How to be a real friend
19b. How to identify a real friend
20. How to properly fold a note
21. How to type (evidently, this is now called "keyboarding", a term that would have made the class much more popular back in the 80s, when I was taking it)
22. How to adjust for inflation
23. How to deal with a teacher that doesn't like you
24. How to deal with a teacher you don't like
25. Not to throw parties at your parents' house when they're out of town

Stay tuned, I'll probably add some more things to this list. Maybe some of these slackass lurkers who are always here and never commenting will add a few for you, who knows. In closing, good luck in Pre-K, Kate, knock `em dead!


sunglasseshurtmynose said...

If they can't eat glue, then:
#) How to make glue boogers.
##) How to make glue skin and peel it off in front of adults.

The Real Jo Jo said...

Here are a couple..

How to change clothes without taking your clothes "off"

How to look innocent even when you are not

Keith said...

How to hide the body.

FlapScrap said...

How to bluff.
How to French-inhale.
How to skin a cat.
Your signature (which is different from writing your name).
How to jump start a car.
Booze and weed are fine, but they ain't all that. Try them so you know.
Conjunctions, adverbs, and how an idea becomes a bill and, possibly, a law.
How to pop a wheelie.
The Beverly Hillbillies theme song.
Research & double-sourcing.
How to tell a joke.
How to make some music.
Disassemble, clean, grease, and reassemble your bike.
Firm shake, eye contact.
Surprise and delight others by not lying.
How to crack an egg. (check)
Shakespeare, the Gospels (John last), Brothers Grimm, and Aesop.
The Beatles (John first).
Respect for fire, flowing water, and public servants.

Anonymous said...

how to fart and pretend it didn't happen

Epiphany Alone said...

*big hugs for you* It IS freaking amazing how fast time goes. I cried when Bossy posted about her son's upcoming high school graduation which included a picture of his first day of kindergarten.

I love the list of key items.