Bad news. Lola's fat. We went for her annual check-up yesterday. I had 2 main concerns. 1. What is that weird bump on her head that keeps getting caught on stuff and bleeding? Is it skin cancer? I hear all Boxers get cancer. Say it isn't so. And B) The animals became immune to Frontline. Well, really, the fleas did. At the last visit we were given ProMeris about which I've since read all manner of scathing, terrifying stuff (like, that people with diabetes shouldn't even touch it. What?) can I have something less lethal?
I figured these items were all I needed to think about but those thoughts were shattered when Miss Fatty Boombalatty tip-toed onto the scale. Two years ago, Lola was nearly 50 pounds. Yesterday, sweet jelly doughnut on a stick!, my faithful ker weighed in at 58 pounds! "See that little...hump below her ribcage?" the vet said to me. I nodded. "Well, that's her love handle..." Lola looked abashed. "What are you feeding her?" she asked next. I proceeded to describe Lola's diet, prescribed by this very same veterinary practice years ago and then the image of sweet little Sarah's wounded expression sprang to mind. "Lola ate my cupcake!" growled the imaginary, floating face of Sarah "Bad doggy! Bad doggy!"In fact Lola only ate half of Sarah's cupcake, which the thoughtless 2-year-old allowed to lay fallow in her pudgy fist long enough for the dog to think it was an offering. But you may recall, gentle readers, that Lola later ate FOUR cupcakes and if you think that's the only time she's pulled that stunt you're a little more than 8 pounds wrong. The weird lump is a skintag (she has 2 others, the vet showed me) and yes, the vet doesn't like ProMeris, either, and she gave us...something else, I don't remember what. Now, though, we have to be even more vigilant, and it is oh-so tricky with the little ones about, to keep Lola away from people food. I gave Kate and Sarah a big talk about it before they ate dinner last night and don't you know, 3 minutes into dinner Sarah's crying "Lola ate my nugget!" I looked at Kate, "did she?" Kate nodded. I sighed. I can't wait to listen to Lola whine, bark and destroy the door of whatever room she's banished to during dinner time. This will be a hoot!
grrrrr....I'm hungry!
5 comments:
I feel your pain. Jake is a fatass, and he doesn't even steal food. He does, however, eat laying down. I have never tried this, but I have to think that if I did eat laying down I would be a fatass as well.
I can confirm that.
The only time I've eaten while lying down was at girl scout camp when we built ice cream sundaes in our fellow scouts' open mouths. Looking back, that whole thing seems a little creepy...
What you need is one of those medieval fireplaces with a spit in it. You hook up the dog, she stays trim and you have lovely roasted meat. Quick, call the contractor before he gets another job..
Buy brewers Yeast tablets. Put them in Sarah's cupcakes so that the dog eats one every day. The fleas and ticks will go away. Hand to god.
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