Thursday, January 18, 2007

When I was very small I used to think there was a monster living under my bed with a giant pair of scissors, waiting to cut my feet off at the ankles as I climbed into or out of bed. Apparently they were not very good scissors, though, because as long as I was wearing socks the monster could not cut my feet off. I wore socks to bed religiously. Later my parents bought me a trundle bed and that crowded the scissor monster out, though for awhile just my toes were in some peril. Sometimes I would lie awake in bed and wonder if Batman and Robin might come rescue me from the horrible beast. I had a crush on Burt Ward.

Once I was safely in bed with my socks on, I could switch my concentration to lying just so on the upper left side of my head. I have a big cowlick there and when I was small and my hair still baby-fine, there wasn't enough weight there to keep it down. I was always waking up with a chunk of hair looking as though I'd been shocked and terrified - but only sort of. So I thought if I could just sleep on that part of my head hard enough it would keep my hair down. It never did.

I don't think I ever shared any of that information with my parents and now, when I tiptoe into the girls' room to check on them, I wonder what kind of crazy stuff they think about as they nod off to sleep at night. Tonight at dinner, while cramming her food into her mouth, Kate informed me that there is a monster in the house and it's blue with blue eyes. I gasped and earnestly asked if the monster carried a cartoonishly large pair of scissors. She just sort of blinked at me (email me for further lessons on giving your child nightmares). A few minutes later Kate said "there are no monsters here!" authoritatively. But just in case, I am wearing socks.

6 comments:

Delphi said...

We all had a crush on Burt Ward.
I never thought we had a monster problem but I did have a nightmare where I got chased by the evil doctor from Felix the Cat. I almost fell into holes like the ones in the Yellow Submarine movie. You can't compete with the media when it comes to giving your kids nightmares.

Anna said...

I used to run toward the bed to get into it from as far back in the room as possible, vaulting onto the bed so that anything under there wouldn't get my feet. I had a big room in a big house, furnished with a big bed that my Dad had inherited and needed to use but wasn't used for the parental bed. (I liked it, but thinking back it was nothing like all the stuff for kids' rooms now -- just big heavy dark old person furniture. Double bed and everything.) Anyway, my Mom would come in and wonder what in the hell I was doing running and vaulting into bed....

Anna said...

Even now when I'm alone in the house I turn off the downstairs lights to go to bed and then run really fast up the stairs. Don't know from what. Just in case, I guess.

Farrago_NW said...

I had a neighbor kid, big kid, older, had numchucks, one night look into my window. I didn't know what to do, so I smiled really big and indicated that I could take off my pajamas. This was just to buy time -- I doubt I'd have done it. Anyway, he just shook his head and walked away, like I was the pathetic one. Guess I should have mentioned that sooner. Dad: it was Ed Smith. Childhood is weird, but I don't think the experience had any effect on me.

As for dreams, I think Keith actually had one that I adopted -- swear it was my dream. A giant hand came up out of Cedar St. where we lived and was throwing rocks at everybody. Thanks to that I have trouble maintaining an erection.

Re-reading this, it occurs to me I should stop typing and get on the horn to Dr. Haun.

Farrago_NW said...

...OK, I called Dr. Haun, told her everything. She said, "Tell me how you feel about Burt Ward," and I burst into the drooling weepies. Thanks, Dr. Haun!

Boomin' Granny said...

There was a monster under my bed, too. He had a big, long needle which he intended to stick through the mattress and into me. To prevent this I had to sleep in a certain section of the mattress---but I never knew which section was safe.
All this and I became a nurse anyway!!---a psych nurse!!