Sophistocation

The other day I was picking the girls up from daycare and one of the other infant moms came in Sarah's room to get her offspring. She was extremely well put together. She wore a lovely suit, light pink with brown accents. She looked pressed and neat and busy and important. She could not possibly consider removing her blue tooth earpiece prior to entering the center to get the child she hadn't seen all day. When I walked in that day I felt pretty good, but upon seeing her, I began to feel like a frumpy mess of a person. How does she look like that at 5:30PM? And do the fruits of her loins ever look like this?

Probably not. The thing is, and I was worried motherhood might have this effect on me, I don't really care. I might wistfully long to be a more well arranged figure in the world for a few minutes, but really, I just want to come home and kick around in old comfy clothes and let my kids slather teething biscuit all over the place or run around bottomless. I'm not even sure it's motherhood that's made me this way. There's an excellent chance I'm just a little bit lazy.

Weekend in the woods

We spent the weekend at a cabin in Blue Ridge, GA. Figuring February would be bringing us down by now, Jeremiah and I rented the place and invited our friends to join us. So, Steve, Joy, Rusty, Jennifer, Eric, Raigan and Bob (Debbie was terribly ill. We missed you, Debbie!) all got our Relax on in the mountains. Here's the view from the uppermost deck (off the kitchen/dinging room) of the cabin. Kate LOVED the water and probably went up and down those steps 15 times in 36 hours. Sometimes without being carried. The cabin was delightful. While there, Sarah showed off her pimp-daddy style and worked on learning to crawl.
We did some very light hiking. The children, you see, are heavy. I'm guessing we probably walked a whole 4 miles all day. Jeremiah tried to teach Kate how to skim stones but it quickly disintegrated into Kate hefting the biggest rocks she could lift into the water and laughing until she snorted at the hilarity of the ensuing splash. She's easily amused. She gets that from me.While we ambled around the woods, throwing rocks in the water and hardly breaking a sweat, Rusty and Jennifer ran 14 miles. We bumped into them as they were hoofing it straight up hill. Here's a shot of that, you can see Rusty in his gay-ass running shorts. Showoffs.
After we grew weary of throwing everything we could find (in nature, of course) in the water, we went back to the cabin. Jeremiah and I managed to trick Steve and Joy into carrying our kids up the gigantic hill we'd hiked down, it was great.

Back at the cabin, we ate and drank a bunch. Yes, I wore my yummy sushi pajamas at the dinner table. What's it's to ya? Also, Bob is not blinking in that picture of him, he's asleep. He feel asleep with drink in hand. Steve removed the beverage (to prevent spillage, isn't he thoughtful?) before photographing him for posterity. That's Eric picking his nose. He's a classy guy.

Kate was not present at dinner that night. All that rock throwing wore her out completely. Sarah too (watching is busy work.) Kate was so tired that once we managed to convince her she should take a nap, at 4PM, she didn't want to get back up. She did get up, however, when I suggested she eat something. She ate nearly nothing and was very grumpy. The next morning she woke up complaining that the tea party (she still refers to any fun gathering as a tea party) was too loud. What a square! We did get pretty emotional over Rusty and Jennifer's Ms. PacMan game. At one point, Rusty even spilled a glass of wine and it completely covered Jennifer's butt.

When we returned home today the weather was gorgeous. Sunny and 64 degrees. We went to the park, where Kate ran around the softball field holding the armadillo purse Steve gave her this weekend. All the kids at the park were fascinated by her fabulous accessory and she wasn't about to put it down. I think we did a good job of wearing her out this weekend. I went upstairs to kiss her goodnight immediately after Jeremiah tucked her in, at 7:30 sharp, and she was already passed out cold. Sarah had already been out for 45 minutes. Night-night, babies.

Calling it "yoga" is a bit of a stretch

We'd planned to head up to the mountains for our long weekend early, but when we realized we couldn't check into the cabin until 3PM, I (far more than Jeremiah) became extremely lax about our departure. So, I managed to fit in a training walk. Kate joined me. It's lovely out. When I got back I decided to try out the 20 minute stretch portion of my new Kathy Voight Yoga Strength/Stretch DVD. Kate joined me in that endeavor as well. It's nice to have a stretching partner. Sort of.

Fundraising evening

I survived my cold (so far) and was in good enough condition to enjoy myself at Mezcalito's last night. The evening went well and we raised nearly $300 for the walk. That may not sound like a lot, particularly with daily news reports about presidential candidates having to raise $100 million to even begin to run a campaign, but it's a small restaurant with inexpensive food and it was Tuesday. In other words, a smashing success! Lots of our neighbors came by to eat (and drink what appeared to be a lot of alcohol) to support the cause. It was fun and I don't know about Mezcalito's, but I'd do it again. They were definitely far busier than usual for a dead-of-winter, rainy Tuesday night. So if you went last night - thanks. If you were there in spirit, thanks, too.

My kids make me sick

I've got another bug of sorts. I'm diseased. I'm displeased about being diseased. I blame the children. Sarah sticks her hands in my mouth and holds on with a remarkable grip while biting my nose. The other day I let Kate wash out the little pot part of her potty and I caught her filling it with water and drinking from it. They're as bad as the dog. It's disgusting.

So I feel a bit like death warmed over but I'm working anyway because tonight is the fundraiser for the breast cancer 3-Day that Joy & I are hosting at our local Mexican cantina, Mezcalito's. I've been excited about this since they agreed to do it. We suggested to them that they donate, like, 5% of their profit from whatever night they'd like to our cause. They came back and said they'd donate 15% of their total sales! I've spent the last couple weeks trying to strongarm everyone I know into going tonight. I'm planning to be there all evening. I cannot be sick! Which meant I couldn't call in to work. That would mean admitting I'm sick. I wouldn't say I'm ignoring this illness, I am downing an alarming amount of Emergen-C and OTC pain killers, and I plan to take a nap for lunch. But I am refusing to give in entirely. Indeed it is, once again, my stomach that's giving me the trouble. This makes eating Mexican and drinking beer somewhat more challenging. But you know, I've got a cause here. Gotta take one for the team. At the moment, however, when I say "take one" I'm referring to a nap.

Attention Grampy Provost

Kate is lying on the couch in her undies watching Mary Poppins and belting out "Let's Go Fly a Kite" in between telling me "they're going outside to fly a kite, mommy!" I have promised her that her kite-enthusiast grandfather will go fly a kite with her at the beach this July. I know that this will be an enormous sacrifice on your part, dad, but sometimes we just have to do these things. Besides, hearing her sing "up through the atmosphere, up where the air is clear!" will surely make it worth it.

Last Night's Dream

We finished dinner and decided to head out to the local trampoline street fighting scene. We arrived in a packed room and found space next to a recently retired couple right up next to the studio-apartment sized brightly colored trampoline. The somewhat ungoverned fighting was in full swing. I noticed it wasn't terribly violent - lots of pushing and yanking and what appeared to be synchronized tumbling. There was some unrest among the crowd and I saw my friend Anni take the trampoline as "The Engine". I tried to wave hello but she didn't see me, she was busy taking down every comer, one after another. Then she got bored and ceded the spot to some other anxious fighter. She wore a leotard exactly like the one Kate wears to gymnastics class. We pushed our way through the crowd to find her with Ben, her husband, seated on a couch and drinking a latte. Ben was not in a leotard.

We chatted for awhile and then Jeremiah looked at me and said "we should get home, we left the kids there alone". We DID? Why did we do that?!? Then I remembered, oh yeah, we'd just tucked them into bed and admired their snoozing sweetness. I collected my shoes, which I'd kicked off at some point and noticed that I had one of Kate's shoes, too. We rushed passed the trampoline, taking only the briefest moment to jump on it, and past the jazz band, down the stairs of what appeared to be David & Susan's old brownstone in Brooklyn, and directly into our house. At one point I thought I'd lost Kate's shoe, but I found it again when I entered the girls' room. They were there, sleeping peacefully. Whew. Next time we'll take the monitor with us.

A Sarah Series

Six and 1/2 months goes by all too quickly.

Valentine's Gifts

This morning I got the girls dressed in their sweet little Valentine's outfits and brought home made cupcakes to daycare with them. But I expect Kate's teachers will be most pleased with the fact that I sent her off to daycare today in big girl undies instead of her diaper. That's right. Hello Kitty panties, she picked them out herself. She's been doing so well with the potty I thought, what the heck. Just in case, I also brought extra undies and extra pants. Kate's excited, and I don't have to deal with what will most likely end up being pee-soaked pants and kid. Happy Valentine's Day, teachers! Even better, Jeremiah is picking them up this afternoon, so if they're planning a butt-whoopin' he'll get it instead of me. Happy Valentine's Day, sweetie!

Next was Sarah. She looks darling in her "Be Mine" teddy-bear-inexplicably-hugging-a-heart onesie and red & white striped pants. I threw on a cute heart-covered bib for an extra gush of sweetness. "Oh what a cute bib!" declared Ms. Sharon as I unwrapped Sarah (it's chilly out today). "We'll have to make sure that doesn't get all messed - " too late. Sarah puked all over it. Gotta go to work now, have a good day!

Hey, I made everyone cupcakes...

Checking In

I have a series of photos of young Sarah I plan to post but I've been busy doing other things. For example, last night I was committed to 2 full hours of 24 and I was baking cupcakes for Kate & Sarah's daycare Valentine's Day party. I spent the evening running into the kitchen during the commercial breaks, and running back upon hearing the "beep...beep...beep...beep" signifying the return of what I now must confess is basically a soap opera with torture instead of sex. So. Pictures are forthcoming, but give me a break, I was watching my stories!

Sarah's growing up quickly. She likes to sit on her own and even gets a bit cranky in the exersaucer lately. She prefers the freedom of a playmat and some toys. I see her eyeing Kate and I know she wants to be unencumbered because she's trying to figure out how to chase after her sister. When she is in the exersaucer, she laughs and laughs when Kate comes over and starts shaking the thing like there's a collision of exersaucer tectonic plates. Yesterday Kate was singing and beating the time on Sarah's hands. I started to affect my sharpest mommy tone to say "KATE! Don't hit your sister" but I noticed that Sarah was giggling so I shrugged and decided to save that energy for more necessary castigation later. You know, like "KATE, don't set your sister on fire" or something.

Speaking of that, I continue to try to figure out how to discipline Kate. She makes me think of the verse my mom used to chant to me - "there was a little girl, who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good and when she was bad she was awful." Kate doesn't have a curl anywhere but she goes from sweet to monstrous so quickly it can't be measured with our current increments of time. Sunday I was trying to get her dressed to go to the park. The park, for heaven's sake! She was refusing to put her sweater on and would squirm and run just out of arm's reach. Finally I said "Kate! You can put your sweater on and go to the park and play or you can sit in time out!" I'll be damned if that kid didn't say "I'll sit in time out!" and march into the kitchen and pull out the "time-out" stool. I was ticked because I really wanted her to get outside and run around until she passed out. But there you are. I wondered if maybe daycare isn't a bit too liberal with their use of time out, she's only had a couple times at home. We did eventually make it to the park, and she did wear herself out making dirt angels in the infield of the softball field with Ali from 3rd Ave. At the park, she was very, very good. But man, sometimes she is awful.

New Favorite

Back in the day, when I turned off the light to go to sleep at night I could count on the thwump of the kitty's paws landing on the foot of the bed, the loud purring, and giant Lorax feet making biscuits on my shoulder followed by the feeling of fluff next to my chin all night. Max, who hated me for a full year after she and Jeremiah moved in with me in Brooklyn, became my good buddy and slept with me each night. But, alas, I've been replaced. Now Max purrs only for her Kate...and curls up next to her and her stuffed monkey on a cold winter night.

The half-naked chef

This week Steve and Joy gave Kate & Sarah a little table. We've been wanting one for them for some time but have been too lazy to actually go buy one. We're like that. When Steve walked in the door with the little table and chairs Kate was beside herself with elation (I'd say "with joy" but that might be confusing in this particular context.) She immediately began prattling unintelligibly about the table. Gesturing purposefully and nodding dramatically. Steve was able to make out the word "table" repeatedly, but that was about it. She ushered him into the kitchen and told him exactly where to place the table. She sat at it immediately and has since enjoyed all her meals there. Lola is thrilled, it's right at tongue level. Also pleased with the table is puppy Captain. See? Now it's the Captain's table!

Sarah is still too unstable for the chairs, alas. She has been temporarily marginalized. No matter, she's happy to hang out in her exersaucer, gnawing on her stuffed rat. Ironic for the rat? It's a stretch... but we can only hope the little rat bastards that have moved into the shed will see what's happening to their compatriot through the French doors in the kitchen and quake with fear.

Somebody please help me!

I can't stop making bread! It's only been a week and a half but I've made baguettes with various exciting stuff thrown in (the herbed one remains my favorite, although the Parmesan cheese one was tasty), a buttermilk whole wheat loaf, and now this focaccia you see half of here.

It might have been eaten but we need it for the spicy chicken and arugula sandwiches tonight. Kate helped devour the first half. I must admit to being maternally disappointed, though not surprised, at her bite of bread to beef & barley stew ratio. Jeremiah was highly complimentary of the focaccia; upon seeing it he exclaimed with his mouth full of bread dipped in olive oil "You made that? I would swear you bought it!" But no, I made it with my two hands! I kept my laptop on the kitchen counter while doing it and actually wrote a stored procedure for a new report in between proofing yeast, and kneading the dough. Really. I had to vacuum flour off the keyboard when I was done.

The problem, in fact, is not so much the making of the bread as the eating of the bread. How can flour, water and yeast be so irresistible? HOW? There's a good chance the bread making will only get worse. So I've made a promise to myself which I will publish here in an effort to actually keep it. I will train for the breast cancer 3-Day daily. Yes, every day I will put in one hour's worth of working out (don't worry, I'll let my muscles recover, but daily cardio won't kill me - you can see why I'll need it). This morning I was up obediently at 5 to workout with Lola before Jeremiah took off for the gym at 6. It's cold. But as one who likes to backpack in the wintertime, I'm prepared. I put the first layer of clothes I intend to wear in the morning in my sleeping bag with me so they'll be toasty and so I can get semi-dressed without getting out of my warm bag. In this case I get to sleep in my bed and don't need to also throw my water bottle in there, which is nice. I figure since the I don't need to exercise for 60 consecutive minutes, I can break it up as needed. Perhaps I'll jump some rope while waiting for the final rise on my bread...

Little Pitchers

I was going to give a run-down of the Superbowl excitement from last night but the only think I could think was - I like baseball.

Speaking of that, we were gathered around the island in Eric & Raigan's kitchen, preparing to dine on some swine he'd roasted in the Big Green Egg last night. Eric commented that he hadn't installed sliders in the cabinets as Raigan had asked back before they were married. I said "Really Eric, I can't believe she doesn't just leave your ass". The instant the words escaped my mouth the little parrot named Kate, who was sitting right there on my lap (BAD mommy!) chirped "leave his ass!" At first I thought she was just mimicking me but upon reflection we all agreed it was actually intended as an invective regarding their marriage. Kate's not one to keep her opinion to herself, after all.

Higher Education

These days, I use my hard-earned BFA to develop Crystal Reports and write SQL code. I'm quick to point out, though, that stage management bears so much in common with today's Project Management, that my degree really is paying off. Sort of.

This morning Kate is watching Mary Poppins. Again. She's taken to dancing and singing all the songs (it's painfully cute). Now she'll enter a room and say "Hello, Mary! Spit spot!". While we were eating our breakfast and watching Kate dance around in front of the television, demanding that we "step in time, step in time!" I said "I sure hope she doesn't decide to be a theatre major." Jeremiah said "If she does, she better hone up on her programming skills." I briefly considered letting Jeremiah see some of my face-punching skills...but I had to admit he had me there.

Rainy Days and Bad Roofing Always Get Me Down

Today it is cold and rainy outside. The children were bundled up sweetly to make the trek to daycare. As you can see, my shorty Kate is ready for her audition with the Beastie Boys. Dank hat, boo! *

So, off the girls went with their father, leaving me in the dining room to attack a day's work in peace. Got my pot o' coffee, the news on the NPR, my little laptop and a bevy of demands from the office world. I'm good to go. Then I heard it. Not a rap, tap, tapping on my chamber door, no, more of a drip, drip dripping on my kitchen flo' (I don't know why, but it seemed like that should rhyme.)

I warily looked in the kitchen to see...yes...it's raining in there. What an exciting home feature! I can't imagine why the realtor would've left "indoor waterfall" off the description of the house. See? There's a big crack in the ceiling -

The good news is, the water was falling in and around the booster seat Kate occupies when she creates her works of art she calls "dining". So, half the work of mopping the area - the part where you get it all wet - was done for me. Like our stalwart Vice President, I'm a "glass half full" kinda gal. Actually, it's even better than that. Right about now that trashcan I took out of the bathroom and stuck under the drip is half full. If it were only a glass, I'm sure my cup would overflowith.

*Mad props to my peeps Rusty and Jennifer for the Slang Flashcards, without which this sentence would not be possible. Holla!